Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever

The Manorexic showed me a list of the funniest similes collected from true high school English papers. The kids that wrote these are unbelievable - like something that is hard to fathom. Here are a few favorites:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.
2. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
3. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
5. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
6. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
7. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph
8. . He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up
9. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

and my all time favorite:

10. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.